Hey, Sawyer! Welcome to the Poz World!

 My thoughts about HIV / AIDS when I don't have it yet in bullets:

• Good looking people don't have HIV / AIDS (with a big exemption to Wanggo).
• No way I'm getting it, seriously. I'm young, therefore, I'm invincible. Snap snap!
• Only few people have it: Blacks. Drag queens from the West. Idiots and junkies.
• I don't do drugs! I will not get it.
• A cure will be coming out soon so stop panicking!
•  GOOD LOOKING PEOPLE DON'T HAVE HIV / AIDS.
• Where did it come from, anyway?

  

***

That day, 25th of September 2012, when I had my first ever HIV test, I was kinda' preparing myself a stereotypical reaction like that of an actor making hugot of emotions to showcase it in a certain scene and it should be followed accordingly.

And that should end up like this:

A. If it's negative

My initial reaction.

 

wear that Miss Universe winning moment

then strut my way out singing ♫ tra la la la la ♫

waving my non-reactive HIV result.

NE.GUH.TIV. Eat that!

and dance... dance... dance... outside the clinic

B. If it's positive

Fuck y'all! Fuck you universe!

 

and walk out the clinic..

And the time has finally come. The moment of truth. The counselor handed me an envelope containing the test results of HIV. Dub-dub. Dub-dub. Dub-dub. Dub-dub. I open it with my fragile shaky hands.

 

HIV 1 REACTIVE

HIV 2 NON - REACTIVE 

My heart stopped for a second. But I guess it's much longer than that in my own perspective.

Expectations of course would be the somewhere in "if it's positive" part.

But then I ended up like an idiot there..

then I was like...

Everything went blank after that.

***